'Prince Farming' starts search for love
Published in The Des Moines Register
"The Bachelor" is one of those shows that you love, you hate, or you love to hate.
And this season, one of our own holds the roses, so the show is likely to draw more viewers from the Hawkeye state than in seasons past.
Chris Soules' reign as bachelor officially started with Monday's 3-hour premiere. The 33-year-old's search for a "Soulesmate" opened in entertaining fashion, with plenty of drama.
There were tears, bouts of jealousy, and even a drunk contestant who pouted during the rose ceremony while another made a "plowing the field" joke, if you get my drift.
Of course, there was also some action, as our guy Chris locked lips with a beautiful brunette named Britt. Let's just say, the slurping noise is still (ugh) stuck in my head.
Viewers were treated to plenty of shots of Iowa's beautiful agricultural landscape and the uniqueness of rural communities. I wanted the producers to veer away from the cliché, but let's face it: The people want to see corn and tractors, so corn and tractors they will see.
Prince Farming, I hope you find your wife. And if not, there's plenty more ladies here in your home state.
=====
Original post: Live blog during Monday's season premiere
After losing Andi Dorfman, the "love" of his life, to another man on the last season of "The Bachelorette," Soules is mending his broken heart by doing what most people do: Finding love in a group of 30 women with teeth so white, they would make great toothpaste ads.
But all jokes aside, Soules, 33, of Arlington, will be bringing attention to the Hawkeye state with not only his wit and charm, but by giving viewers peeks of Iowa life in the 19th season of the ABC show.
Soules spent time for the show in his hometown, Dubuque and Des Moines, and he gave a bachelorette a taste of local life at a Starmont football game.
The farm boy said previously in an interview with Register reporter Donnelle Eller that he hopes the show breaks the country's perception of agricultural life and life in general in Iowa, which is something I'm excited to see.
So join me (and probably my cat and a large cheese pizza) as I blog and tweet (@LinhMaiTa) as we see if Prince Farming finds his happily ever after.
7:10 p.m.
Alright, so we start out meeting our tan, hunky farmer dude, Chris Soules. Lots of classic aerial shots of corn, tractors, cows and good old fashioned Iowa.
Also, Chris has a really nice tan in these shots, which is something he's definitely not going to be getting right now in the corn state.
We also learn from Chris that it's tough to find love in Arlington, small town population of around 400 people.
"This is the best way to find love, and I can't wait," Chris says. Well, if you have 30 beautiful women all vying for your attention, yeah, that's going to be the best way.
I'm ready for the real show to start and meet these bachelorettes.
7:30 p.m.
Okay, here we go, we're meeting a bunch of different girls. I'm not going to lie, this feels like some sort of strange buffet.
First, there's the virgin. (I'm sorry, I missed her name, and that's the only thing that I remember. She seems sweet?)
And then we meet the news producer, who seems like a total tough rocker. I'm not going to lie, I'm a bit biased already. If you can't root for someone in your own trade then what can you do?
Oh, Amandaaaa. She lives at home with her mother. And her mother cooks for her. Oh Amanda, I feel for you girl, I only know how to cook Easy Mac, but
I'm not sure if Chris, or any other adult human being is going to go for that.
Whitney, the fertility nurse from Chicago. She looks so nice, but her voice sounds like it might get annoying if she stays long in the season. Okay, no never mind, I love her. She just told her dog that corn is its favorite food.
Mackenzie: Nice single mom with a kid. Looks like she's legitimately looking for love, and a dad to help take care of her really cute son.
Alissa: This flight attendant said my favorite line so far -- "Smoking is prohibited on this plane, unless you're smoking hot. Hi, Chris." OH MY GOD. If the producers fed her that line, hi-five to them because that cheesiness just totally made me laugh.
And there's Kelsey, the school counselor and widow. Okay, I change my mind, I think Kelsey is my favorite bachelorette so far. From what I can tell from this 20-second segment: She seems like a really awesome lady, super smart and interesting.
Alright, let's get on to the second round of this buffet.
8:00 p.m.
THANK GOODNESS. Prince Faming is back on the screen, and he's apparently out of place in the large city of Los Angeles. (Though to be honest, he's definitely good looking enough to be a model out there. Represent, Chris!)
They've got him doing a photoshoot with what else, but a fake corn field. Oh, ABC. Oh, the cliches.
And they also have him in an outdoor shower. Chris is definitely not in Iowa right now.
8:05 p.m.
I'm digging the bohemian style of this mansion. And here comes the limo full of beautiful, giggling women. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little self-conscious of my mismatched pajamas, and leftover cheese pizza stain that's on my shirt right now. #IowaGirlHere
Okay, okay, okay. Amanda will definitely be the most quotable character. She just called Chris a panty dropper. When she said that, I dropped my crust.
8:07 p.m.
Oh my god, Britt. The first thing I thought was how absolutely beautiful you look. The second thing I thought was, oh my god, it's totally creepy to deeply hug and almost cry when you just meet a person. But the free hug coupon is cute.
And we meet Whitney and Kelsey again. Your voice Whitneeey. Aaaagh. And thank you Kelsey for being a normal human being and giving Chris a handshake. Definitely rooting for this girl.
We meet Ashley, the freelance journalist. I'm guessing she must be an absolutely amazing freelancer, because when I used to freelance, I definitely cold not afford a dress like that.
WHAT. WHAT WHAT. Okay, we're starting to meet the crazy ladies. That is some gory humor. I like it, but I'm guessing. I missed her name, but I'm sure I'll remember her.
Followed by our cowgirl, Tara. Chris likes her style, and all of the other girls are shocked by the lack of the cocktail dress.
8:15 p.m.
Oh man, Tara, don't fall for the peer pressure girl. Cowboy boots aren't my style, but I appreciated your originality, and I'm sure our Iowa Nice Chris Soules appreciated it as well.
8:20 p.m.
Chris gets a mysterious note, and he's told to turn around. This sounds like the start of a horror movie.
Nope. It's just Amanda. And then she's gone. I'm confused. And creeped out.
Here's comes Jillian! She looks like an awesome, strong, independent woman, but of course, you have to be if you're a news producer.
Mackenzie looks absolutely sweet, and almost like Ariel with her reddish wavy hair and her teal glittery dress. I just want her to sing "Part of Your World" now.
8:30 p.m.
Ashley put a lucky penny in Chris Soules' sole. Cue the start of a ton of "soul" puns by ABC.
Aaaaand here comes this girl. Of course, she brings in the sexual farmer, "You can plow the #@!* of my field anyday joke." OH MY GOD. WHO IS THIS GIRL??? AND NOW SHE'S COMMENTING ON THE SPARKLE ON HIS FACE. Our modest farm boy Chris is totally not into this. (As a feminist, I can appreciate the boldness. As an introvert, if a stranger said something like that, I would completely freak.)
Awwww, Chris is pulling the Iowa nice moves, and comforting all of the girls. He's pulling that midwestern charm that I absolutely love about Iowans.
AND here's the joke from the plow the field girl: "Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? Because he wanted to find a tight seal." I just. Oh my god. I just can't. The shot to Kelsey's shocked face is absolutely how I feel.
Now, we're getting ready for the passing of the first roses, and the big surprise of the addition of 15 women.
8:32 p.m.
We're meeting six Iowan ladies in the audience right now who knew Chris when he was younger. They all look like great ladies, and have nice things to say about Chris. Again, that Iowa nice is coming through. I'm ready for a little less nice, and a little more "seal" jokes, however.
8:37 p.m.
"I make babies everyday." --- Oh Whitney, I really appreciate your fertility jokes. 99 percent of America will probably find it creepy that you asked him if he inseminates hogs, but I can appreciate the realness, even if I'm getting some second-hand awkwardness.
8:40 p.m.
Chris is now curious about his secret admirer. I'm curious about how long Amanda is going to stay in after that .... Interesting stint.
Maybe it's because half of my screen of my screen is covered by weather updates, but there seems to be close ups of Amanda's eyes and they're looking, well, a bit buggy. A pretty type of bug, like maybe a lady bug or butterfly, but buggy nonetheless.
And now, the 15 women find out that they're not the only women. Surprise! There's 15 more. But really, if you're expecting to find love, competing against 14 other women, finding out there's 15 more can't really be that much more of a shocker.
8:47 p.m.
And now we meet Samantha. Oh Samantha, you're the first lamb they're sending into the lion's den. She looks so sweet too. Good luck.
Michelle: The wedding cake decorator. If you were smart Chris, you would pick a woman that can bake delicious sweets. Have you ever had sweet corn cake? Delish.
Tandra: HOLY CRAP, she came in on a motorcycle. I don't know what producer planned that, but that was definitely the best entrance. It must have been hard to ride that in heels and a plunge dress though...
Alissa: She had Chris try on a seat belt to prepare for the "bumpy ride." The other girls are jealous of her cute gesture, but I'm thinking Chris should, well, run.
Girl with a pig nose: I was so distracted by her fake pig nose that I didn't catch her name. Whoops.
8:52 p.m.
And here's the #SouleMates joke I was looking for. All of the girls didn't like the WWE woman's outfit, but my opinion, if she feels good about her body, flaunt it. There isn't enough positivity like that between women.
But karaoke singing girl? Please save that for the bar, don't flaunt it.
"There's definitely more girls here than there are in Iowa," -- I don't know who said that, but as a native born Iowan, I encourage you to take a look at the U.S. Census count.
Commercial. Okay, I'm ready to see how this cacophony of women pans out.
9:00 p.m.
Okay, so they think 30 women are crazy, but shouldn't they kind of question the 15? I mean, this is verging a little bit like a certain show that we would see on #TLC.
Teacher lady: She read a note from her student that said they hope she doesn't have to live with 9 cats. My thoughts? Hopefully she gets 12 cats. But I already live with a lot of cats. And might be slightly bitter while watching this.
A lady just said they would make phenomenal babies. If this were her first time meeting any other man, especially at a bar, that would send the guy running.
9:02 p.m.
Chris is overwhelmed by the over-abundance of beautiful women. My guy friend just laughed and said, "Dude, just appreciate the dream."
That's my advice to you Chris. Just appreciate the dream.
9:05 p.m.
Oh my goodness, I am not remembering these faces or names. I'm sensing some tension between these women. And by tension, I mean, I'm waiting for the hair pulling.
Here's a preview of some of the fun ahead:
9:12 p.m.
"I wish I was a polygamist right now," Chris said. Yup. And that's how this show verges pretty closely to something that's typically found in Utah, or on TLC.
Oh boy, here comes the tense part. The hairstylist just totally booted out the WWE woman. And she keeps talking about onions. I don't get it, but I'm not a vegetable person. The second-hand embarrassment I'm feeling right now is making me as red as those roses.
The hairstylist should probably stick with, well, hairstyling (her hair is gorgeous) and stay away from the pomegranates.
9:16 p.m.
TARA. Oh sweetie, oh honey, this is not going to go well. But let's admit it, there always has to be that "one" girl that goes a bit overboard with the booze that makes everyone else look, well, normal.
Chris just said he likes Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. I'm not a country girl Chris, so don't be giving me a rose.
AND here's the first rose! Even after meeting all of these people, he remembers Britt. That's cute. Here comes the slurpy make-out session. Those microphones must be totally turned up.
9:20 p.m.
Oh Britt, those girls are all staring daggers at you. I am not envious of you. Sending you good vibes from over here in Iowa.
Now, we get ready for the rose ceremony.
9:23 p.m.
Now we get to hear from our Iowa ladies in the audience. One of the ladies thought it was a bit soon, "but that's our Chris!" A very Iowan response. As for me, the Icee-slurping noise is still stuck in my head.
9:30 p.m.
The moment of truth. I'm not going to lie, by this point, two and a half hours is a bit long for me to watch this show. (If it was Game of Thrones or Bob's Burgers, I would feel differently.)
CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC. CUE AMANDA'S BUG-EYED LOOK.
Second rose goes to..... Caitlyn! (Or Kaitlynn, Kaitlyn, etc.)
Next girl is Gia. Cue more dramatic orchestral music. Cue another pass to Amanda's eyes.
Lots of rose passings and I'm not going to lie, a lot of, well, women I don't remember. They seem to mostly be from the 2nd or 3rd limo though! And here
goes Tara. Poor girl needs a glass of water, a good ol' barbecue meal and some aspirin.
9:35 p.m.
OH MY GOD. Chris just gave Tara that disapproving look and pause that my mother used to give to me when I was in elementary school. And then he stormed out. Our Iowa nice guy is not feeling so good right now.
9:40 p.m.
Oh Tara, I told you earlier in this blog post that Chris liked you. Why couldn't you go forward in time and read my random musings? Let's see if you messed it all up.
YES! He picked Little Mermaid lady. She seemed pretty chill.
Girl, Tara. Take this second chance. Take it, and promise to not over-indulge on booze again. (I feel you dear, I have so much empathy. My thing is, I don't drink excessively on a nationally-syndicated show.)
Trends? Looks like Chris likes brunettes. Other trends? The further the roses diminish, the more watery-eyed girls I see.
9:45 p.m.
WOAH, WOAH, WOAH. If there was one thing I was certain that crazy pomegranate girl definitely wouldn't make it. I'm glad he kept her though, because let's be honest, the crazy women are the interesting ones to watch, and probably the ones that will have more intriguing conversation.
9:47 p.m.
Another shocker! Kimberly came back in. Oh goodness, this is awkward. Like, if someone doesn't respond to you on Tinder or OkCupid and they reject you, you totally back-off. I'm not sure if she has guts, or if this is just desperation. I guess we'll find out next week.
9:53 p.m.
YES! I saw some air balloons, so I'm really hoping that shot was from Indianola. These sneak peeks look like we're in for an adventurous, outdoorsy and hopefully, very Iowan season.
And it looks like we're also in for a pretty vindictive, jealous, tearful, dramatic season. But really, I mean, after 18 completed seasons of this show, is that really a surprise? It's "The Bachelor" after all, and that's the part we've come to appreciate, or at least, poke fun at.
What we know is that Chris is here to find a wife. And he's got a batch of interesting, pretty, odd, strange and smart women to choose from.
And if he doesn't find a wife? Well, there's a lot of women back here in Iowa that I'm sure would love a piece of Prince Farming.
"The Bachelor" is one of those shows that you love, you hate, or you love to hate.
And this season, one of our own holds the roses, so the show is likely to draw more viewers from the Hawkeye state than in seasons past.
Chris Soules' reign as bachelor officially started with Monday's 3-hour premiere. The 33-year-old's search for a "Soulesmate" opened in entertaining fashion, with plenty of drama.
There were tears, bouts of jealousy, and even a drunk contestant who pouted during the rose ceremony while another made a "plowing the field" joke, if you get my drift.
Of course, there was also some action, as our guy Chris locked lips with a beautiful brunette named Britt. Let's just say, the slurping noise is still (ugh) stuck in my head.
Viewers were treated to plenty of shots of Iowa's beautiful agricultural landscape and the uniqueness of rural communities. I wanted the producers to veer away from the cliché, but let's face it: The people want to see corn and tractors, so corn and tractors they will see.
Prince Farming, I hope you find your wife. And if not, there's plenty more ladies here in your home state.
=====
Original post: Live blog during Monday's season premiere
After losing Andi Dorfman, the "love" of his life, to another man on the last season of "The Bachelorette," Soules is mending his broken heart by doing what most people do: Finding love in a group of 30 women with teeth so white, they would make great toothpaste ads.
But all jokes aside, Soules, 33, of Arlington, will be bringing attention to the Hawkeye state with not only his wit and charm, but by giving viewers peeks of Iowa life in the 19th season of the ABC show.
Soules spent time for the show in his hometown, Dubuque and Des Moines, and he gave a bachelorette a taste of local life at a Starmont football game.
The farm boy said previously in an interview with Register reporter Donnelle Eller that he hopes the show breaks the country's perception of agricultural life and life in general in Iowa, which is something I'm excited to see.
So join me (and probably my cat and a large cheese pizza) as I blog and tweet (@LinhMaiTa) as we see if Prince Farming finds his happily ever after.
7:10 p.m.
Alright, so we start out meeting our tan, hunky farmer dude, Chris Soules. Lots of classic aerial shots of corn, tractors, cows and good old fashioned Iowa.
Also, Chris has a really nice tan in these shots, which is something he's definitely not going to be getting right now in the corn state.
We also learn from Chris that it's tough to find love in Arlington, small town population of around 400 people.
"This is the best way to find love, and I can't wait," Chris says. Well, if you have 30 beautiful women all vying for your attention, yeah, that's going to be the best way.
I'm ready for the real show to start and meet these bachelorettes.
7:30 p.m.
Okay, here we go, we're meeting a bunch of different girls. I'm not going to lie, this feels like some sort of strange buffet.
First, there's the virgin. (I'm sorry, I missed her name, and that's the only thing that I remember. She seems sweet?)
And then we meet the news producer, who seems like a total tough rocker. I'm not going to lie, I'm a bit biased already. If you can't root for someone in your own trade then what can you do?
Oh, Amandaaaa. She lives at home with her mother. And her mother cooks for her. Oh Amanda, I feel for you girl, I only know how to cook Easy Mac, but
I'm not sure if Chris, or any other adult human being is going to go for that.
Whitney, the fertility nurse from Chicago. She looks so nice, but her voice sounds like it might get annoying if she stays long in the season. Okay, no never mind, I love her. She just told her dog that corn is its favorite food.
Mackenzie: Nice single mom with a kid. Looks like she's legitimately looking for love, and a dad to help take care of her really cute son.
Alissa: This flight attendant said my favorite line so far -- "Smoking is prohibited on this plane, unless you're smoking hot. Hi, Chris." OH MY GOD. If the producers fed her that line, hi-five to them because that cheesiness just totally made me laugh.
And there's Kelsey, the school counselor and widow. Okay, I change my mind, I think Kelsey is my favorite bachelorette so far. From what I can tell from this 20-second segment: She seems like a really awesome lady, super smart and interesting.
Alright, let's get on to the second round of this buffet.
8:00 p.m.
THANK GOODNESS. Prince Faming is back on the screen, and he's apparently out of place in the large city of Los Angeles. (Though to be honest, he's definitely good looking enough to be a model out there. Represent, Chris!)
They've got him doing a photoshoot with what else, but a fake corn field. Oh, ABC. Oh, the cliches.
And they also have him in an outdoor shower. Chris is definitely not in Iowa right now.
8:05 p.m.
I'm digging the bohemian style of this mansion. And here comes the limo full of beautiful, giggling women. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little self-conscious of my mismatched pajamas, and leftover cheese pizza stain that's on my shirt right now. #IowaGirlHere
Okay, okay, okay. Amanda will definitely be the most quotable character. She just called Chris a panty dropper. When she said that, I dropped my crust.
8:07 p.m.
Oh my god, Britt. The first thing I thought was how absolutely beautiful you look. The second thing I thought was, oh my god, it's totally creepy to deeply hug and almost cry when you just meet a person. But the free hug coupon is cute.
And we meet Whitney and Kelsey again. Your voice Whitneeey. Aaaagh. And thank you Kelsey for being a normal human being and giving Chris a handshake. Definitely rooting for this girl.
We meet Ashley, the freelance journalist. I'm guessing she must be an absolutely amazing freelancer, because when I used to freelance, I definitely cold not afford a dress like that.
WHAT. WHAT WHAT. Okay, we're starting to meet the crazy ladies. That is some gory humor. I like it, but I'm guessing. I missed her name, but I'm sure I'll remember her.
Followed by our cowgirl, Tara. Chris likes her style, and all of the other girls are shocked by the lack of the cocktail dress.
8:15 p.m.
Oh man, Tara, don't fall for the peer pressure girl. Cowboy boots aren't my style, but I appreciated your originality, and I'm sure our Iowa Nice Chris Soules appreciated it as well.
8:20 p.m.
Chris gets a mysterious note, and he's told to turn around. This sounds like the start of a horror movie.
Nope. It's just Amanda. And then she's gone. I'm confused. And creeped out.
Here's comes Jillian! She looks like an awesome, strong, independent woman, but of course, you have to be if you're a news producer.
Mackenzie looks absolutely sweet, and almost like Ariel with her reddish wavy hair and her teal glittery dress. I just want her to sing "Part of Your World" now.
8:30 p.m.
Ashley put a lucky penny in Chris Soules' sole. Cue the start of a ton of "soul" puns by ABC.
Aaaaand here comes this girl. Of course, she brings in the sexual farmer, "You can plow the #@!* of my field anyday joke." OH MY GOD. WHO IS THIS GIRL??? AND NOW SHE'S COMMENTING ON THE SPARKLE ON HIS FACE. Our modest farm boy Chris is totally not into this. (As a feminist, I can appreciate the boldness. As an introvert, if a stranger said something like that, I would completely freak.)
Awwww, Chris is pulling the Iowa nice moves, and comforting all of the girls. He's pulling that midwestern charm that I absolutely love about Iowans.
AND here's the joke from the plow the field girl: "Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? Because he wanted to find a tight seal." I just. Oh my god. I just can't. The shot to Kelsey's shocked face is absolutely how I feel.
Now, we're getting ready for the passing of the first roses, and the big surprise of the addition of 15 women.
8:32 p.m.
We're meeting six Iowan ladies in the audience right now who knew Chris when he was younger. They all look like great ladies, and have nice things to say about Chris. Again, that Iowa nice is coming through. I'm ready for a little less nice, and a little more "seal" jokes, however.
8:37 p.m.
"I make babies everyday." --- Oh Whitney, I really appreciate your fertility jokes. 99 percent of America will probably find it creepy that you asked him if he inseminates hogs, but I can appreciate the realness, even if I'm getting some second-hand awkwardness.
8:40 p.m.
Chris is now curious about his secret admirer. I'm curious about how long Amanda is going to stay in after that .... Interesting stint.
Maybe it's because half of my screen of my screen is covered by weather updates, but there seems to be close ups of Amanda's eyes and they're looking, well, a bit buggy. A pretty type of bug, like maybe a lady bug or butterfly, but buggy nonetheless.
And now, the 15 women find out that they're not the only women. Surprise! There's 15 more. But really, if you're expecting to find love, competing against 14 other women, finding out there's 15 more can't really be that much more of a shocker.
8:47 p.m.
And now we meet Samantha. Oh Samantha, you're the first lamb they're sending into the lion's den. She looks so sweet too. Good luck.
Michelle: The wedding cake decorator. If you were smart Chris, you would pick a woman that can bake delicious sweets. Have you ever had sweet corn cake? Delish.
Tandra: HOLY CRAP, she came in on a motorcycle. I don't know what producer planned that, but that was definitely the best entrance. It must have been hard to ride that in heels and a plunge dress though...
Alissa: She had Chris try on a seat belt to prepare for the "bumpy ride." The other girls are jealous of her cute gesture, but I'm thinking Chris should, well, run.
Girl with a pig nose: I was so distracted by her fake pig nose that I didn't catch her name. Whoops.
8:52 p.m.
And here's the #SouleMates joke I was looking for. All of the girls didn't like the WWE woman's outfit, but my opinion, if she feels good about her body, flaunt it. There isn't enough positivity like that between women.
But karaoke singing girl? Please save that for the bar, don't flaunt it.
"There's definitely more girls here than there are in Iowa," -- I don't know who said that, but as a native born Iowan, I encourage you to take a look at the U.S. Census count.
Commercial. Okay, I'm ready to see how this cacophony of women pans out.
9:00 p.m.
Okay, so they think 30 women are crazy, but shouldn't they kind of question the 15? I mean, this is verging a little bit like a certain show that we would see on #TLC.
Teacher lady: She read a note from her student that said they hope she doesn't have to live with 9 cats. My thoughts? Hopefully she gets 12 cats. But I already live with a lot of cats. And might be slightly bitter while watching this.
A lady just said they would make phenomenal babies. If this were her first time meeting any other man, especially at a bar, that would send the guy running.
9:02 p.m.
Chris is overwhelmed by the over-abundance of beautiful women. My guy friend just laughed and said, "Dude, just appreciate the dream."
That's my advice to you Chris. Just appreciate the dream.
9:05 p.m.
Oh my goodness, I am not remembering these faces or names. I'm sensing some tension between these women. And by tension, I mean, I'm waiting for the hair pulling.
Here's a preview of some of the fun ahead:
9:12 p.m.
"I wish I was a polygamist right now," Chris said. Yup. And that's how this show verges pretty closely to something that's typically found in Utah, or on TLC.
Oh boy, here comes the tense part. The hairstylist just totally booted out the WWE woman. And she keeps talking about onions. I don't get it, but I'm not a vegetable person. The second-hand embarrassment I'm feeling right now is making me as red as those roses.
The hairstylist should probably stick with, well, hairstyling (her hair is gorgeous) and stay away from the pomegranates.
9:16 p.m.
TARA. Oh sweetie, oh honey, this is not going to go well. But let's admit it, there always has to be that "one" girl that goes a bit overboard with the booze that makes everyone else look, well, normal.
Chris just said he likes Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. I'm not a country girl Chris, so don't be giving me a rose.
AND here's the first rose! Even after meeting all of these people, he remembers Britt. That's cute. Here comes the slurpy make-out session. Those microphones must be totally turned up.
9:20 p.m.
Oh Britt, those girls are all staring daggers at you. I am not envious of you. Sending you good vibes from over here in Iowa.
Now, we get ready for the rose ceremony.
9:23 p.m.
Now we get to hear from our Iowa ladies in the audience. One of the ladies thought it was a bit soon, "but that's our Chris!" A very Iowan response. As for me, the Icee-slurping noise is still stuck in my head.
9:30 p.m.
The moment of truth. I'm not going to lie, by this point, two and a half hours is a bit long for me to watch this show. (If it was Game of Thrones or Bob's Burgers, I would feel differently.)
CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC. CUE AMANDA'S BUG-EYED LOOK.
Second rose goes to..... Caitlyn! (Or Kaitlynn, Kaitlyn, etc.)
Next girl is Gia. Cue more dramatic orchestral music. Cue another pass to Amanda's eyes.
Lots of rose passings and I'm not going to lie, a lot of, well, women I don't remember. They seem to mostly be from the 2nd or 3rd limo though! And here
goes Tara. Poor girl needs a glass of water, a good ol' barbecue meal and some aspirin.
9:35 p.m.
OH MY GOD. Chris just gave Tara that disapproving look and pause that my mother used to give to me when I was in elementary school. And then he stormed out. Our Iowa nice guy is not feeling so good right now.
9:40 p.m.
Oh Tara, I told you earlier in this blog post that Chris liked you. Why couldn't you go forward in time and read my random musings? Let's see if you messed it all up.
YES! He picked Little Mermaid lady. She seemed pretty chill.
Girl, Tara. Take this second chance. Take it, and promise to not over-indulge on booze again. (I feel you dear, I have so much empathy. My thing is, I don't drink excessively on a nationally-syndicated show.)
Trends? Looks like Chris likes brunettes. Other trends? The further the roses diminish, the more watery-eyed girls I see.
9:45 p.m.
WOAH, WOAH, WOAH. If there was one thing I was certain that crazy pomegranate girl definitely wouldn't make it. I'm glad he kept her though, because let's be honest, the crazy women are the interesting ones to watch, and probably the ones that will have more intriguing conversation.
9:47 p.m.
Another shocker! Kimberly came back in. Oh goodness, this is awkward. Like, if someone doesn't respond to you on Tinder or OkCupid and they reject you, you totally back-off. I'm not sure if she has guts, or if this is just desperation. I guess we'll find out next week.
9:53 p.m.
YES! I saw some air balloons, so I'm really hoping that shot was from Indianola. These sneak peeks look like we're in for an adventurous, outdoorsy and hopefully, very Iowan season.
And it looks like we're also in for a pretty vindictive, jealous, tearful, dramatic season. But really, I mean, after 18 completed seasons of this show, is that really a surprise? It's "The Bachelor" after all, and that's the part we've come to appreciate, or at least, poke fun at.
What we know is that Chris is here to find a wife. And he's got a batch of interesting, pretty, odd, strange and smart women to choose from.
And if he doesn't find a wife? Well, there's a lot of women back here in Iowa that I'm sure would love a piece of Prince Farming.